your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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