If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
