ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
