I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
