Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Randomize
