we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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