im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
