And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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