i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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