Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
