Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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