her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
