also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
