I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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