I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
