do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
