epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
