And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
