Betty ford says i'm here all night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
