would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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