the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
