she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
