i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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