I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
a search helicopter?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
