Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
