let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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