had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
