direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
