the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
