Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
