Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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