sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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