I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
