Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
