Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
