He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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