One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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