She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
