We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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