Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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