When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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