I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
