So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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