I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
