yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
