so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
