my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
