I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
