i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The best revenge is premature balding
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
