We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
