you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
