so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
