i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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