is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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