someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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