are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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