Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
